Going a little rouge and spreading a little sunshine :)

This blog, although not as active as I had originally intended, has served as a great foundation for a research project in a doctoral course, future research possibilities, a conference presentation, and networking opportunities!

And although 2014 has not yet begun, I have a goal to be more active within this blog.  And for that, this blog shouldn't just be a place for me to rant and rave about complaints, but about all facets of my journey to get a doctorate, including my networking opportunities in education. 

And so, I got tagged in this "spreading some sunshine" from a favorite person of mine...and here I go!

So, I got tagged in some sunshine this morning by Jami Vandergrift.  I admire Jami for what she has and is doing in education, her confidence and flow as a presenter, and how awesome she is!  Although Jami and I met this past summer for the first time, we seemed to instantly click, bonding over our Panhellenic sisterhood and love for education and technology!

Here are the rules listed by Jami on her blog:

1. Acknowledge the nominating blogger. – CHECK — She.  Is.  Awesome.
2. Share 11 random facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you.
4. List 11 bloggers. They should be bloggers you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love!  (Here is a problem for me.  Blogging is still very new to me, so I will be tagging people on Twitter...I'm hoping they have a blog!  LOL)
5. Post 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate to answer and let all the bloggers know they have been nominated. (You cannot nominate the blogger who nominated you.)

Random Facts:

1.  I get an absolute thrill from presenting.  It is my adrenaline rush.  I would love for presenting to be my career :)

2.  As much as I love technology, I have a paper-and-pencil planner.  I try to use my digital calendar on my phone...but I don't do well with it.  My tech buddies have TRIED and TRIED and TRIED...but no luck.  Paper planner for me!

3.  I have changed my potential dissertation topic many times.  I am finally coming to understand "you have your whole life to do your life's work...just jump this hurdle."  As a result, when people ask me my focus, my answer is "I'm not sure yet." ;)

4.  I am a little OCD.  Walk into my classroom and you'll understand.  Everything has a place.  Everything has a specific spot and I KNOW if it's not in the right spot!

5.  I love Christmas music to a fault.  My best friend from college (sorry Travis!) and I got in a HUGE fight one day in the library at Concord over Christmas songs like "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas!"

6.  I love jewelry, scarves, shoes, purses, and clothes.  Love them.  LOVE them.  LOVE THEM.

7.  I have a mean streak.  Most people haven't seen it.  This is because before I do something I might regret, my conscious steps in and reminds me that mean streak should probably stay hidden.

8.  I love to read.  I don't get to do it as often since I've been working on my doctorate, but I still find time to read some!  Right now, I'm in the Divergent trilogy and I can't wait to begin the last book!

9.  I like to shop.  Black Friday is my second favorite holiday (behind Thanksgiving).  I shop all night with my father-in-law (I KNOW, right?) and I love it!

10.  I hate real coffee, but I love the smell.  Give me a French Vanilla Capp from the local 7-11 any day!

11.  I am a Poca Dot.  Really, that was/is my high school's mascot.  Voted "best mascot in the nation" by ESPN.

Now For Jami's Questions:

1. Do you prefer to shop in stores or online?  It depends...I love Amazon, Vera Bradley, and TOMS online...but I also love actually being in the stores and hunting for bargains! (I <3 Gabe's, TJ Maxx, Marshall's...!)

2. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Ummmmmmmmmmmm, a lot.

3. What is your favorite type of music? I love all types of music.  I would be hard pressed to name a favorite--it changes daily!

4. Cats or Dogs?  We have both at the house, but they belong to my kiddos...

5. What is your typical bedtime? Depends, what has the day been like?  LOL...usually between 10 and 11 pm.

6. Favorite twitter chat? #gaedchat Had the opportunity to meet the creator and moderator of this chat at the HSTW SREB Conference this summer...awesome man!

7. Democrat/Republican/Other?  Republican… but I really just want government to make sense… So if a new party can make that happen, let’s do it! (Totally stole Jami's answer to this one!)

8. Best place you ever vacationed? Lake Norris, TN

9. Best book you’ve read in 2013? Catching Fire ;)

10. Favorite television show when you were growing up? Full House or Boys Meets World or Family Matters or HOME IMPROVEMENT ;)

11. What is one thing you never/rarely share that you are exceptionally proud of? I graduated summa cum laude from Concord in 4 years after changing my major 3 times!

I will be tagging my peoples from Twitter!  And if any of ya'll have blogs, use the same questions I was given! :)

            

So not going to apologize...

This post may really tick some people off.  Frankly, I don't care.  

As much as people around me may think they know me, they probably don't.  I do not air my dirty laundry, or even clean laundry, around for everyone to see.  I'm open with those that I trust, but I am very selective in what I share.  Nevertheless...here it goes.

If one more person tries to classify me into a pigeon-hole of stereotypes, I think I may maul their face.  Just because someone doesn't tell you what is going on does not give you the right to fill in the blanks with your own imagination.  Just because you can't or won't do what I do DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT CAN'T BE DONE.  

This is my last summer of doctoral coursework.  LAST SUMMER.  As long as my portfolio defense goes smoothly, I can begin dissertation writing next summer.  And guess what.

I am still a full-time teacher with good, solid, positive evaluations.

I have still contributed to my school on various committees and events.

I am still adjuncting at our local CTC.

I am still married to the same man.

I still have three happy kids that are involved in church, friends, soccer, and Girl Scouts.

My home is still clean and inviting.

I still go to church.

So to everyone said that I wouldn't even make it this far, please choke on the words that you used to try to tear me down.  When you tell me I can't, I become more determined that I can.  I guess that's just the country girl in me.

Good friends and a knock upside the head

After my last post, I was still feeling like maybe I should drop out of the program. I mean, if people think I'm getting a "fake" doctorate, then why in the world am I doing it?

Then, I got a text from one of my dearest friends who DID NOT KNOW what had happened at school:

"...you have worked hard to be on the right path, stay there...you should feel special because you are, and I wouldn't do that for just anyone..."

In a world of chaos, sometimes it only takes one person to keep you on track. So, nope, not quitting!

Thoughts..

I've really been struggling with my decision to be a doc student lately.

Especially since a conversation I had last week.  I was approached by a colleague (site and name will not be revealed), that, in short story format, wondered if I was working towards a "fake" doctorate since it wasn't a Ph.D.  I calmly attempted to explain the types of programs my university offers, including the different types of doctoral degrees:  my university offers Ph.D.s, M.D.s, Psy.D.s, and Ed.D.s.  Each form of these doctoral degrees have purpose within their own fields, each are terminal degrees.

So, I'm thinking--I'm I really busting my butt, going without sleep, giving up on fun things like ice cream and TV ;) for a degree people will see as "fake?"  Or not good enough?  Cause, really, I don't need something else on my plate telling me I'm not good enough.  People do that, to my many different hats, often enough already.

Guilty Ambition

This school year has been agonizing.  My son and my daughter have suffered terribly.  Both have experienced extreme stress and emotional issues at school.  I have asked myself so many times if I am to blame for their issues?  If only I was home more and more attentive rather than in class or working on schoolwork, I would have prevented all the pain they have experienced.  It really is difficult to feel so guilty about your children and think you should have done a better job at protecting them.  I logical understand that sometimes, kids have rough times and even if I was home 24/7 I might not have been able to prevent the problems.  That information is small consolation when my children are having such a tough time.  I think sometimes about quitting school until the kids are completely through school but then I know I will not finish.  Would it help anyway?  Who knows?  I know I don't.

Sometimes...I just want to give up...

Being a mom is tough.  Really tough.  Your heart is no longer your own--it belongs to you little ones running around.  Everything I do, I have them at the forefront of my mind.

BUT...
I am also a wife, a teacher, a student, a woman.  There are needs there too, and I think, more often than not, I don't fulfill those needs to where I feel satisfied.  I get down on myself, wondering if I am making the right choice--working and going after my doctorate.  Do I forsake my husband in this venture?  Do I forsake myself?

These questions are really, never truly, answered.  But they remain, bouncing around in my head, especially during the nights I can't sleep.

Fire and Exhaustion

Last night the vacant house next to us caught fire. Luckily, my husband, a firefighter, was outside and was able to radio the fire into the station quickly. As a result, the only damage to our house has been some smoke, but that will hopefully dissipate quickly. However, this is making me play the "what if" game. What if my husband was giving our daughter a bath like I had asked him to? What if we had gone to church? What if he wasn't home and I didn't notice the fire? I'm not a very observant person, would the house had burned until it caught my house on fire? What if we had been asleep or playing in the basement? My stomach is literally churning as I type these questions that have been replaying in my mind since last night.

The kids and I had to evacuate and we stayed with my parents. We are safe and that is the most important thing....but now I start to question myself. What if we weren't ok? Have I wasted my children's lives by teaching and going to school? Mainly, is it worth it? I'm sure if I asked different people I would get many different answers...